"MMMMMMMMM, PLACENTA," SAYS CRUISE

OPERATING THETAN 9 TO CHOW DOWN ON AFTERBIRTH....MAYBE

Tom Cruise told American interviewer Diane Sawyer that he would "eat the placenta" of the baby soon to be born to him via actress Katie Holmes.

When it was pointed out that this would be a pretty big meal, and not just a nutritious and tasty, if bloody, snack he appeared to back off from the idea.

You can turn placenta into a number of allegedly tasty recipes ("It's like fillet mignon!"), including placenta roast, placenta lasagna and placenta pizza.

Go here for the full placenta recipes.

Cruise has also backed off from the idea that Katie Holmes would have a drug-free, scream-free birth, now that he has learned having a baby is the female equivalent of passing a bowling ball through the eye of a penis.

"The mother makes as much noise...and people...you know, she's going through it. She does what she's gotta do. OK?" Cruise said.

Holmes can now have as many drugs as she wants, Cruise confirmed.

Cruise also admitted in the Diane Sawyer interview that he is now an Operating Thetan 9, which is just about as high as you can go in the Scientology ranks. Cruise is supposed to now have extraordinary abilities to heal the sick, including himself. As an example, he pointed out he hasn't had a cold in "....ages".

WOW!

Here's what you need to know about the supra-alienesque abilities of an OT 9 :

Some of the miracles of life have been exposed to full view for the first time ever on the Operating Thetan levels (1 to 15). Not the least of these miracles is knowing immortality and freedom from the cycle of birth and death.

....enables the individual to span the distance from Homo sapiens, with his drugs, his pains, his problems, upsets and fears, to higher states and freedom as a spiritual being.

Oh, so Tom Cruise will still be making movies in two or three centuries time?

Cruise may now be able to transcend space and time, but he still has to fly around the world to plug his new movie.

If only he could just connect with the 5 billion planetary minds all at once and say "Go see my new flick, it's really good." Maybe when he reaches OT level 15, perhaps?