Wednesday, May 31, 2006


A shocking story from Western Australia, where an obscenely stupid man decided the best way to dry off the 13 month old baby he was supposed to be looking after was to put her in a clothes dryer and then turn it on.

The poor kid had spilt a drink on herself, while her mum was at the gym. She obviously thought her boyfriend could be trusted not to do anything too stupid. Wrong.

"The person we allege has done the act has stated that he has put the child into a clothes tumble dryer, closed the door and turned it on for a couple of minutes,'' Senior Detective Deb Newman said.

"The child had burns to both feet, to one of her hands, burns and bruising to her back and bruising to her forehead,'' she said.

"The injuries are horrific. In my years of being a police officer I have not seen or heard of this type of injury before.''

The good news is that the baby is expected to make a full recovery.

The better news is that the 21 year old fuckwit responsible for this horror has been charged with causing bodily harm and is no longer allowed anywhere near the baby, or her mother.

Sunday, May 28, 2006


The New York Times runs this story today on how hundreds of thousands of American men are now wasting thousands of dollars buying absurdly big and basically useless 'mega-grills'.

It's the new affluent American status symbol, you see.

And from what I've seen in Australian stores, Aussie blokes are not that far behind their American BBQ-loving comrades.

American and Australian men are having a love affair with mega-grills, fattening a marketplace already worth hundreds of millions of dollars a year as they splash out BBQs that can drain a propane tank dry in two hours, that can cook whole turkeys in 90 minutes, that have chrome-plated warming racks, stainless steel "flavour generator plates", smoke generators, multi-side burners, hand lights, rotisseries, in-built speaker cabinets, refrigerators, beer get the idea.

We're getting BBQs in Australia that are close to the monster above, but so far I haven't seen anything like this :

According to the NYT Magazine, this is :
" the Queen Mary 2 of outdoor cooking...the $35,000 Talos Outdoor Cooking Suite.....The sprawling stainless steel temple features a searing station with a restaurant-style griddle, a hardwood cutting board, two side burners to heat sauces, a warming drawer, 3/8-inch-thick cooking grates, a 16,000-B.T.U. ceramic infrared rotisserie, a bartender module with a sink and a nine-volt electronic ignition system."

Apparently you can get some of these monsters hot enough to melt brass and lead. If you're into that kind of thing...

But for all the extras, all the amazing ways these grills can be used to cook food, and the huge array of meals that can now be prepared on grills that offer such control and diversity, the majority of food cooked on any and all grills in the US is still burgers, hot dogs, steaks and chicken.

BBQ and Grill chef expert Chris Schlesinger says these monsters are a waste of money.

"Give me two bricks and an oven rack and some wood, and I'll cook you a better steak than any expensive gas grill, hands down. It might look good in your garden, it might be more convenient, it might impress your friends, but it's not going to cook you a better steak."


The mock-satanic metallers from Finland won the Eurovision song contest and are now officially legends...for winning the Eurovision song contest when it is usually won by something ultra-pop-goo. Think ABBA, think Bucks Fizz, think Celine Dion.

Just who is under the masks and monster makeup has been a big question in Euro-media since the band's shock win.

Now we can reveal at least three of the faces.

Hopefully the unmasking of Lordi won't have a detrimental effect on their awesome career thus far. They can always officially unmask, like KISS did, and tour, then re-mask, like KISS did, and tour again.

The main photo of 'Lordi' himself appears to be a paparazzi shot, from a distance, while the middle bottom row pic is definitely a studio shot.

In our last story on Lordi, we said it would take a month before they were unmasked, it barely took three weeks.



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Thursday, May 25, 2006



Dogs get run over by cars. But it's not often that a dog gets run over several times by the same car. Back and forth, back and forth.

Which is one of the reasons why a family in Portland, Oregon, is now suing their dog-slaying neighbour for more than $2 million.

From the Associated Press : In addition to economic and punitive damages, Mark Greenup and his family in Estacada, Oregon, are asking a jury to award them compensation for the loss of companionship of their pet...

Loss of companionship is a claim typically reserved for human relationships, and legal experts are watching the case closely....

And probably trying not to snigger.

They say if the family wins the lawsuit and subsequent appeals, that could help break the longstanding tradition of defining pets as property.

That's what some lawyers have claimed when their clients have been busted for starving their poor mutts to death or beating them so severely they have to be put down.

"Your honour, this dog was not a human. It was a possession, like a lounge chair. Would you allow someone to be convicted of beating their lounge chair to death?"

And so forth.

Grizz, a cocker spaniel and Labrador retriever mix, was run over by Raymond Weaver in 2004 and had to be put down.

Weaver's lawyer, Larry Dawson, said it was an accident. But Mr Greenup and his family say Weaver drove over Grizz several times and did not stop when they called out to him or when they tried to drag the dog out from under his truck.

Weaver was committed to his task. The story doesn't mention whether or not Grizz had shat all over Weaver's lawn, or menaced his children or barked incessantly at 4am for no apparent reason.

It's going to be a jury trail for Weaver. The lawyer will be praying that Grizz wasn't too cute and that there isn't any video of Grizz saving drowning children or rescuing old people from burning houses.

If the animal concerned was a cat, and the jury was compromised of people who don't own cats, and never want to own cats and cannot understand why anyone would even want to let a cat inside their house, Weaver and his lawyer wouldn't stand a chance.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006



For five hundred years, possibly even two thousand years, the "London Stone' has held its place in the financial heart of England's biggest city.

Last century, it was an historic link with the ancient past holding pride of place in the wall of a church.

Today, the church is gone, but the 'London Stone' has kept its place, now embedded in a cage in the wall of a sports store.

But the owner of the store is proud of the 'Stone' and has built a display case for it inside the premises. He's had visitors from as far away as Australia who've sought out the 'Stone'.

It has grown in legend in recent years, and now the building in which its housed is going to be demolished, arguments are picking up about whether the stone should be permanently re-located to the Museum Of London, or if it should stay where it is, where it has long been.

There's a curse, you see, attached to the 'London Stone' and some people are nervous about what might happen if its permamently moved.

It is viewed as one of the great relics of the Middle Ages, in a city that has lost so many of its past centuries' buildings and features. The 'Stone' was mentioned in the fiction of Shakespeare, Charles Dickens and William Blake, amongst the many authors who have paid it homage.

So where did it come from? How old is it? What is the curse all about?

More from the BBC Magazine :

Protecting the stone might not be such a bad idea - since there is a legend that, like the ravens at the Tower of London, the fortune of the city is tied to the survival of the stone.

"So long as the stone of Brutus is safe, so long shall London flourish," says the proverb.

This relates to the myth that the stone was part of an altar built by Brutus the Trojan, the legendary founder of London. This might be unlikely, but then again no one really knows its origin.

...there is no way of confirming rival theories that it was a Roman distance marker or part of a prehistoric standing stone or any of the many more exotic myths.

The idea of sacred stones is a very ancient tradition - monarchs are still crowned on the Stone of Scone, the so-called "stone of destiny", in Westminster Abbey.

Queen Elizabeth I's adviser and occultist, John Dee, was obsessed by the stone, believing that it had magic powers.

Shakespeare depicted the 15th Century peasants' rebellion leader, Jack Cade, striking the London stone as a symbolic sign of taking control of the city.

Christopher Wren saw the foundations of the stone being excavated - and believed it to be part of a bigger Roman structure.

William Blake used the story that the stone had been part of a druid altar - reflecting another belief that it was from a pre-Roman religious stone circle on the site now occupied by St Paul's Cathedral.

The persistent story that the stone was the symbolic centre point from which every distance in Roman Britain was measured was already in circulation in the 16th Century.

But maybe the London stone's most remarkable achievement is to have survived at all - through wars, plagues, fires and even 1960s planning, right in the middle of the financial district of the capital.

It's probably still in a setting not too far from where it stood when the Romans were building London.

In 18th Century prints it was kept in an elegant stone casing - and there are photographs of Victorian police men guarding the stone, when it was set into the wall of a church at waist height.

This church, St Swithin, was damaged during a bombing raid during World War II - and the stone was then attached to a new building on the site.

But maybe the London stone's most remarkable achievement is to have survived at all - through wars, plagues, fires and even 1960s planning, right in the middle of the financial district of the capital.

It's probably still in a setting not too far from where it stood when the Romans were building London.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


A horse race to be held in Nevada next month will mark the first time cloned animals have officially competed in an event up against 'natural' horses.

The cloned horses are actually two mules, Idaho Gem and Idaho Star, were created three years ago in a process where the DNA of a foetus from a champion racer was cloned and reproduced.

Two clones competing in a field of non-clones. Should be interesting.

From the BBC : Analysing how the clones perform against each other will give scientists information on how variables like diet and training regimes affect developing racing mules.

Those behind the race say that just because they carry the DNA of past champions, there is no guarantee the clones will be successful.

"We know they have the genetic capability to be great," said Don Jacklin, president of the American Mule Racing Association, who leases Idaho Gem from the University of Idaho for about $1,000 (£533) a year.

Gordon Woods, the lead scientist on the University of Idaho project that created the clones was keen to emphasise there was nothing abnormal about the cloned mules.

Dr Woods told the Associated Press that the mule cloning project also provided insights into human cancer research and, in particular, calcium's possible role in tumour development.

Mr Jacklin said he hoped cloning technology would eventually be embraced by the horse racing industry as another breeding tool.

But The Jockey Club, thoroughbred racing's governing body in North America, keeps an extremely tight rein on breeding practices.

Only natural breeding methods are allowed, and club rules explicitly prohibit not only cloning but artificial insemination of any kind.

Yeah, for now. We're still waiting for the Cloned Mutant Animal Competitions, where Giraffophants and LionBears race each other through obstacle courses, and where PumaHounds whip around race tracks in half the time of their 'natural' competitors.

Basically, the ethical outrage will last for a few years, and then such things will creep into the mainstream (obviously not as extreme as my examples) because there will no doubt be an absolutely huge televison audience for such FreakTastic Clonimal Events.

And then, there will be the Olympics 2020, maybe 2028, when viewers will not have to witness winners and losers separated by a pubic hair's difference in times. When we can finally see twelve foot tall 'men' lift minbuses in open competition, and when high jump and long jump will be rolled into one event where gazelle-legged mutants will have to actually leap out of the Olympic Stadium to score a place in the finals.

Monday, May 22, 2006



This is a story thtat is almost shorter than the headlines.

An American man moves out of the townhouse he has rented for eight years. The landlord then discovers that rooms in the townhouse are filled, sometimes chest-high, with more than 70,000 empty beer cans. Coors Light was this man's drink, along with the occasional can of Dr Pepper.

That's a truly astonishing average of 25 to 30 cans of beer a day. Should be noted that American Light beer is light on calories, but the alcohol content is only a little lower than the average Australia full-strength beer.

Presumably, the man also had a few parties to help build up that aluminum stockpile.

A massive clean-up operation emptied the townhouse of the cans which were then recycled for $800.

The man has reportedly quit drinking and found work. If he works as hard at his new job as he did drinking beer, he is sure to be a success.


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A stunning triumph at the Eurovision Song Contest for Finland's (mock) satanic heavy metallers Lordi, who we tipped here to walk off with the top gong.

Fantastic. What an absolute shocker it must have been for those waiting to see who would be the next Eurovision-launched pop masters, following in the glam heel prints of ABBA, Bucks Fizz and....Celine Dion.

Theatrical heavy metal is obviously not dead,
but could it become gay-friendly?

It's off to a good start winning the Eurovision, after some nasty 'Aids Kill Fags Dead' t-shirt moments during the 1980s, despite one of the lords of 1980s heavy metal, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, being an openly gay, leather-friendly, S & M-styled bondage master.

Okay, make that 'could it become
even more gay-friendly?'

Lordi wins Eurovision, now heavy metal will never be taken seriously again (yes, we are fully aware of the irony inherent in that statement).

UPDATE : Uh-oh, Lordi's win seems to have already birthed a new rock movement, Eurometal.

See how long that tagging/branding term lasts before it's put out of its misery.

Lordi is not Euro-bloody-metal, they're (mock) Satanic Heavy Metal.

There's an important difference that I can't quite comprehend,
but it's there.

Anyway, for the band, and their leader singer, it's all about the good times, all of the times :

"Enjoying the music of evil looking creatures isn't the same as condoning evil," he explained. "We have the same aesthetic as horror films. The scarier the film, the more fun it is. And rock music should be all about fun."
UPDATE : Poor Lordi, they just wanted to remain anonymous, behind their monstrous masks, their identities a secret.

Lead singer, Lordi himself, has said in the past he likes the masked band idea because it stops the members of the band from being identified with the music, instead of the whole package, the show, the masks, the costumes, the songs, everything.

But now they're one of the most famous rock bands in the world, the paparazzi will be after them for the first shots of Lord, and his band, completely unmasked. That'll mean stakeouts, street pursuits and cameras in the face every time they go out grab some milk and bread.

I'll give them a month before they are completely unmasked in a UK/Euro tabloid.

Go here for our previous story on Lordi.

Friday, May 19, 2006



It's the sort of idea that occurs to blokes at no-booze sporting events, except this time someone has gone and actually made the thing.

Each fake beer gut holds more than 2.3 litres of beer, or vodka and Coke if that's your tipple.

Big seller for the World Cup games, where drinking is going to be vastly restricted.

The stockist has sold out of all the various versions of the fake beer belly available, including the deluxe version that comes with an ice-pack, for those who demand their smuggled beer chilled.

Chinese factories are working triple shifts to get more units to the UK before the hordes ship out to Germany for the Games.

Here's the sales pitch from the order site : "Just think of the possibilities: no more queuing up and forking out on overpriced drinks at festivals, gigs and games. Why, the savings you'll make at just one event will pay for your Beerbelly and still leave you with enough change to buy some nuts. Probably. You can even go jogging, skiing and hiking wearing your Beerbelly (but perhaps it'd be best to fill it with water, not beer)."

Yeah, jogging with 2.3 litres of beer that you can suck up via a tube. Perfect for the Homer Simpsons out there who have been forced into physical activity.

"This really is one of the greatest booze-related inventions we've ever seen."

Cheers to that.



Just kidding with the first translated monkey sentence there.

The sentences spoken are actually from one monkey to another, the 'putty-nosed' monkey to be exact. If they could talk to us the first issue to be dealt with would probably have to be that horrible name some braniac has bestowed upon them.

Why not the 'Angel Magic Love' monkey or something like that? How we would feel if we kept translating monkey-speak and found out they called us names like the 'BoxHead' human? Or 'Super MonoBrow' Man? Or 'Muffin Top Mama'? That's right, we wouldn't like it one little bit.

They do seem to be laughing at us sometimes, however....

According to the UK Independent, Making different sentences out of the same words was thought to be a unique feature of human language but scientists have now discovered syntax in monkeys.

A study of wild putty-nosed monkeys in Africa has found that they can mix different alarm calls to communicate new meanings to fellow members of a troop.

The revelation came to light via one researcher who had spent way too long hanging out with the monkeys in the Gashaka Gumti National Park in Nigeria.

She noticed they would often make noticeably different sounds depending on what the threat was.

The researcher didn't notice any words for, "That hairless monkey is watching us again."

The scientists demonstrated in a study published in Nature that they would imitate the communication syntax of the monkeys by playing recorded calls to the wild troop living in the forest.

The two key monkey sounds were "pyow" and "back" and used together loosely translates to "Let's Go!"

Using word-sounds in different combinations to communicate different meanings was not thought to exist outside of the human species.

But other animals can communicate and identify each other with the sounds they produce :

Dolphins have signature whistles they use when they meet up with old dolphin friends, and are also thought to sound their signature whistle when they meet a new pod of dolphins. They can also produce a clicking sound that acts like a sonar to identify the size of objects underwater.

Research into 'whale songs' has revealed they can 'sing' complex tunes of some thirty minutes in duration, and teach them to other whales.

Birds are probably the most famous non-human communicators, using calls to warn other birds, to let other birds know they have claimed a territory and to point out to each other which car is best for poo-targeting (that's my theory anyway).

Interestingly, birds are now believed to be able to warn each other of danger, but to actually express just how big, or how impending, the danger is. Sort of like the bird-song equivalent of the Terror Alert chart.

And frogs will make 'briddip' sounds to claim territory, to call for new mates, to announce they are in the middle of being mated and to welcome the start of rain...or something.


From The Australian :
Before they went their separate evolutionary ways, the ancestors of chimpanzees and people got up to plenty of, well, monkey business.

Moreover, this went on for about four million years.

The most detailed analysis conducted of human and chimpanzee DNA reveals that after an initial separation from a common ancestor, between five and six million years ago, the species continued interbreeding.

The implication is that speciation - the separation from a common ancestor - wasn't the simple process scientists previously believed.

Instead, it happened over millions of years during which "episodes" of hybridisation took place before the final separation into two distinct species, US researchers claim in a paper published online by Nature.

"For the first time, we're able to see the details written out in the DNA," said biologist Eric Lander, director of the Broad Institute at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge. "What they tell us at the least is that the human-chimp speciation was very unusual."

Yeah, great research there Einstein,

"Human-chimp speciation was very unusual".

A human mounts a monkey and a scientist calls this behaviour unusual? Exactly what kind of porn have these guys been watching in the lab during their lunch breaks?

All the above new info on 'speciation' is all well and good, but what I want to know is this :

Since when has it been common knowledge that the human species has been kicking around this planet for getting onto 7 million years? Last time I heard, we'd barely cracked a few hundred thousand years of existence.

So, all the way back then, humans and monkeys were....close, and new species were created, we evolved, our brains got bigger, we worked out we could cover ourselves in the fur of other animals, and each other, and we started to loose a lot of body hair. Well, some of us did.

But humans kept evolving, changing, some generations grew tall, others grew smaller, some offsprings had darker skin, some lighter, presumably depending on where on the planet these humans were hanging out.

But the wide variety of ape and monkey species haven't changed all that much in millions of years. They still get around naked, they play in the trees, they eat for free, have plenty of casual sex, they don't need to go to work....And we're supposed to be the highly evolved ones?

Scientists have identified a bizarre new human species as well.


The offspring of mega-botoxed, peniley-implanted, silicone-breasted, collagen-injected Hollywood stars.

Actually, I don't know if that's true, but it should be worth a research grant or three.

Or not.

So how do these new discoveries affect the whole 'Creationism' and 'Intelligent Design' craze?

And will curators have to change all those Ape-Evolves-Into-Man museum exhibits yet again?

This is actually good news. It explains a lot about human behaviour.

Especially the whole poo-throwing thing.

I have no idea what that is supposed to mean either.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


Two Australian women were hit by trains, on the same day, and both have their feet cut off. One of the women fell out of a wheelchair and onto the train tracks.

Was Victorian London's notorious Jack The Ripper a woman? Maybe. An old theory given a new, and very interesting twist, by the advancement of DNA testing.

Charity shop staff was going through some old clothes in a Sydney store when the workers came across more than $11,000 hidden away in the donated shirts and pants and jackets.

Being good people of St Vincents De Paul, they handed the cash into the police, but now, months later, the owner has not been found and the $11,000 has been handed back to the charity. They will now use it to help the homeless, the hungry and the needy. Beautiful.

Three strippers forced to strip by police after a traffic stop. "I'm not gay," cop told stripper before he told him to get all his gear off. The three strippers are furious and now they plan to sue the cops.

A 14 year old girl, in Akron, Ohio, has been jailed, without access to her attorney, for more than a week because she refused to testify against the man who stands accussed of molesting her. Land of the free, home of the....rapidly growing police state.

You can jail a 14 year old girl, and deny her access to the law, in Ohio? Sounds more President Bush's version of Iran or North Korea.

John Cleese now says his most famous creation, Basily Fawlty, is "pathetic".

Cleese was referring to the episode of Fawlty Towers where the character goose-steps around the hotel in mockery of German guests. It plays differently for many people from what Cleese originally intended, he now claims.

"I'm delighted to help with trying to break down the ridiculous anti-German prejudices of the tabloids and clowns like Basil Fawlty, who are pathetically stuck in a world view that's more than half a century out of date."

In China, an 80 year old woman has worn down three sets of dentures by eating small stones for more than seven decades. She started out eating dirt as a child. She doesn't like 'soft' stones. The harder the stones the tastier they are, apparently.

A researcher in London says that the next time humans go back to the moon, in about two or three decades (or sooner, if the Chinese carry through with their plans) they should spend some time looking around for rubbish left behind by alien visitors.

Why not? Just because they can travel interstellar distances doesn't necessarily mean they aren't litter bugs.

That is all for today from The Fast, Weird News Bulletin


First the American Food And Drug Administration denies there is any medicinal benefit to be gained from allowing sick people to use small amounts of cannabis to inspire their hunger, to calm their nerves, to bring on sleep and to fight nausea.

Now, the FDA has approved the sale of a synthetic version of the active ingredient in cannabis which is alleged to improve appetite, fight nausea in chemotherapy patients, act as a sleep agent and reduce anxiety, all with little to no side effects.

So the sick and the arthritic can now have their miracle relief, but they will have to pay for it, and it will be illegal for them to cultivate small amounts of the non-synthetic version of the drug in their own gardens.

Well, that makes sense.

It's really quite simple.

Free = bad. Expensive = Very, very good.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006




From : An unidentified green object streaked across the Queensland sky last night, before landing on a property between Toowoomba and Warwick near the Great Dividing Range. Farmer Don Vernon lives on the property next to where the object hit the ground, and watched it come in to land.

"I was finished on the farm and driving home, and as I came in the gate I faced this enormous green ball of light with a white centre.

"It disappeared behind a ridge and I immediately drove out over the ridge without stopping so I was there in a few minutes.

"When I turned the lights off the car I saw a glowing green ball up on the ridge three-quarters of a mile away and a smaller piece was rolling down the side of the ridge. They were both glowing green."

"It was a brilliant light before it landed. A bit like a green sun. I rang a neighbour and asked if he had found superman."

Astronomers are uncertain whether the object was a piece of space junk or a meteorite, however Jim Barclay from the Maidenwell Observatory suspects it was part of a satellite or some rocket casing.

The object, which looked like a comet, was spotted by hundreds of people and airport control towers across south-east Queensland at around 6:30pm last night.

A few different views on what actually flew through, and fell from, the sky last night over Brisbane over on the ABC News site.

Comet of space junk? The jury is still out for the moment, but there seems to be a good case for it actually being a comet.

And astronomers are predicting more comets in the days ahead.

A comet recently passed by Earth, about seven million miles out. It was close, but of no great danger.

Astronomer Andre Claydon believes we are passing through the "debris tail" of the comet.

"This could be a fragment from the comet itself," he told the ABC.

"Over the next two or three days we should see more of this happening..."

Jim Barclay is still not convinced.

"Most meteors do not, and I repeat, do not appear of the green-blue fluorescent colours that these people described. Metallic substances tend to burn up and give you that greeny-blue fluorescent colours where meteors are generally white in nature."

A few hundred Brisbanians, at least, witnessed the green light rip across the night sky. A number report seeing bits separating from the main body and falling to the ground.

One pilot, Steve, was at 11,000 feet over Casino when he witnessed the 'green comet' fragment right in front of him.

"It was just amazing," he told ABC News. "It just looked like it was just in front of us. It was very white from up there - just sort of went out in front of us and we saw ... red bits falling and then it just went out."

So, the planet is passing through the "debris tail" of a comet, then probably more spectacular sights like this one in our skies.

If it was space junk, then this may be the only one seen for now.

But that worries Barclay. He told the that the amount of old satellites and general space-race wreckage orbiting the earth was troubling. It all has to come down eventually, thanks to gravity, and not all of it will burn up in the atmosphere on re-entry.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


From the New York Post : "A Brooklyn man with a long history of bloody encounters with the police barricaded his family in its apartment early yesterday - then bit off his tongue and spat it at cops....they struggled to take him into custody, a police source said.

"Cops and paramedics, thinking that they had talked the raving (man) into standing down, were wheeling him out of the building on a gurney when the troubled man shocked them by biting off his tongue and spitting it in their direction, the source said."

He's been subdued, he's lashed to a stretcher, he can't punch or kick anyone, so as a last resort he uses his own tongue as a projectile. Now that's hardcore.

Sunday, May 14, 2006


From : "The debate over illegal immigrants has taken a nasty turn online. Those who favor tougher laws have turned the border into a shooting gallery with a game that lets players open fire on Mexicans coming into the country. This comes just as the Senate starts to debate immigration reform.

"Those who find it offensive say this game couldn't have come at a worse time. Some say this game has nothing to do with race; others say, its obviously geared toward Mexican immigrants.

"According to the game, there's just one simple rule. Its says it right on the front page : Keep them out at any cost."

On the front page, the characters are listed as 'Mexican Nationalist', 'Drug Smuggler' and 'Breeder'. Pregnant women and children appear as targets and explode when shot.

"Immigrant men, children and pregnant women go sprinting past a sign that reads : Welcome to the United States. Just below it, a sign for the welfare office.

The video game is protected by America's much-heralded First Ammendment, the right to free speech.

The Mexican Consolate General, however, has said the Mexican government is searching for the game maker in order to prosecute.

Go here for more on the 'Border Patrol' game.

Go here for a story, and links, on President Bush's plan to deploy the Military to close the US/Mexico border.



From the UK Guardian : Forty-four years on the road and a third of a million miles have given Heinz Stücke a philosophical cast of mind. Within hours of getting off the ferry from France in Portsmouth on Monday night, the bicycle that has been his constant companion since 1962 was stolen. But he's not bitter.

....his bike was returned to him little more than 36 hours after its theft. After the story was picked up by the national media, the thief probably realised that Heinz's steed might be more trouble than it was worth.

...he chiefly earns the money to finance his travels by selling an illustrated booklet about his experiences. He just sets his bike on its stand and that's his pitch. He is constantly meeting people yet it's a solitary road he travels.

Did he ever imagine when he set out, 44 years ago, that he would be on the road all this time?

"Nobody knows that far ahead. Ten years into the journey, it was 'I don't want to go back to the factory'. But then it just becomes such a part of you."

The freedom of travel is something many people crave - one reason they love his story and buy his brochure. But, he says, it takes special commitment.

"That dream is for everybody all the time, but unfortunately it can't be easily realised. You really have to cut all your relations, family, and be free. You have some saved-up money for a year or two, and then you have to find new money. Eventually, people wind up again where they started from. Or they get a good job somewhere else. And then the woman comes, you know. And then they buy a house and then, maybe, children come.

"And then only the dream stays."

Go here for the full story.

Saturday, May 13, 2006


The National Dental Survey in the UK found more than 60% of Brits
preferred whatever sharp object was close to hand, instead of floss, to get food out from between their teeth.

Those that didn't choose to simply leave the food there to rot, that is.

Screwdrivers, earrings, keys, scissors, needles, forks and knives were popular tools for cleaning teeth both those surveyed.

And so what's the problem here? Not normal or something?

Curiously toothbrushes didn't get much of a mention in the survey.

Too wussy for the Brits?



From the Khaleej Times : Japanese police are trying to identify cremated human remains that were mailed to the headquarters of a TV station by a viewer who was incensed at missing a cartoon.

A plastic bag containing ashes and shards of bone was delivered to TV Tokyo along with a note protesting TV Tokyo’s decision to extend live coverage of the world table-tennis championships.

"Many of the people who watch our animated programs are very enthusiastic about them and we did receive a number of letters and e-mails complaining about our decision to continue the table-tennis coverage,' said Tom Oki, a spokesman for the channel.

"This one seems to have been a big fan of the show."

Big fan? How about insane fan?

Then again, I'd be plenty aggro if my favourite Manga cartoons were pulled for bloody table tennis. Don't have all that many bags of human remains to hand, however. At least, none that I can spare.

The television station is used to getting angry letters about their abrupt rescheduling of popular programs. They've even been sent a knife by one annoyed viewer.

But copping a bag of torched human bits and pieces is a first, however.

No big suprise there.



A 21 year old man and his 17 year old friend thought it would be funny to give a toxic dose of vodka to a puppy to see what happened next.

What happened next was the two would up in a jail on charges of animal cruelty.

PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, want the puppy drunkers to be psychologically evaluated, believing people would have to be mentally ill to do such a thing.

Either that, or extremely bored, with a bottle of vodka handy.

The report doesn't say whether they got each other drunk first before they turned on the eight week old puppy.

Obviously this idea didn't turn out to be anywhere near as funny as they probably thought it was going to be.

"I killed two cops, and I bludgeoned to death my wife's lover....what are you in for?"

"Ahhh....drunkinating a puppy."

"You goddamned sick bastard. Your life ain't gonna be worth living now."

Makes you feel almost sorry for the two morons.


Thursday, May 11, 2006



It was a miracle of nature, until dickhead in the white jacket blew it away, but this grizzly cross polar bear may not be the bizarre rarity it seems.

Scientists now think there may be more kicking around the cold zones of Canada, and there has been a few curious matings between the two species in private zoos, and no doubt in those freaky US experimental defence labs where they're trying to robotize and clone a monster killer bear that can be released into war zones to take down and terrify civilians (that's not entirely accurate, but it's closer to the truth then you probably want to think about right now).

The Grozzly Bear above had a Polar bear mum and a Grizzly bear dad.

Go here for more.



UPDATE : Steve Vaught walked across the Manhattan Bridge earlier today, surrounded by media and fellow walkers. His journey is over.

"I'm glad I'm here, but for me it's never been about the destination," Steve said. "It's been about the journey... This is not about obsessing about numbers, or times, or dates, or miles. It's just about going on a walk and sort of having time to get things straight."


Steve Vaught was nearly 200kgs, 39 years old and depressed when he set out to walk across the United States. It took him 13 months, with time off for Christmas with the family, and he wore out 30 pairs of socks and 15 pairs of sneakers.

He lost weight, about 45kgs, but it was not as much as he planned. There were few healthy eating choices along the backroads of America, and he wound up eating too much fast food from truck stops.

He walked into Manhattan today, ending his amazing, Forrest Gump in slo-mo journey. Documentaries are being made about him, he's got a book deal and his website, containing photos and his journal, kept crashing after he recieved millions of visitors, who were fascinated, and inspired, by his story.

He is now hailed as a hero in a nation obsessed with weight loss and depression, most not even realising the garbage they drink in the form of diet sodas accounts for plenty of reasons why they are fat and depressed in the first place.

Early in his journey, Steve spent a week in a Texas hotel room, breaking himself free from his addiction to anti-depressants. When he set back out on the road, he said he felt like a new person, and the depression has only returned periodically. He wrotes in his online journals that the downers he experienced afterwards were nowhere near as bad as they were when he was on the pills.

Steve's battle with depression, and weight gain, began after he kill two elderly pedestrians in a car accident some fifteen years ago.

Steve picked up supporters along the way, a few hundred, in more than 26 states. They wrote him letters, donated money and supplies and even suggested places to visit along the route Others joined him for long stretches of the walk.

Vaught chronicled his progress on a website, You might have trouble visiting some of the pages. The traffic flow right now is beyond capacity, might be worth bookmarking for later, when he updates the last days of his trek.

A month ago, his wife filed for divorce. The walk across America was only supposed to take six months. When he began, he was so fat and unfit, he could only struggle through a few kilometres a day. But within weeks he was angling up to his average daily tally of 20km.

He developed a personal mantra, which goes like this :

"Cure the mind, and the ass will follow."

He cured his mind, but he still thinks his ass is too big.

It wasn't all a magical journey. The online journal details his sometimes savage self-questioning about what he was actually doing, how much he missed his wife, his impatient daughter, his home, he had to avoid rattlesnakes in the desert, blisters, injuries, and he suffered through some appalling weather along the way. Then then there were the stress fractures in his feet, which made the last weeks of walking incredibly painful.

But Steve's made it now. He's in New York City, and he's about to hit the talk show circuit.

Curiously, it looks like he might have even started a movement of cross-the-whole-country walkers, which could in turn inspire big city Americans to get out of their cars and hit the pavements themselves.

Go here for a brief news story on Steve's journey.

On his own website, where he kept a month-by-month journal of his incredible journey, Steve began by saying this, back in April, 2005 :

"I am a 39 year old, happily married father of two great kids and I have a pretty good life here in Southern California. You would think that I would be happy because of these things, but I am not. I am not happy because I am fat and being fat makes every day unhappy.

"Losing the weight will be the easy part. I plan to keep the weight off in the future by maintaining a proper diet and level of activity needed, as well as remembering how easy it is to gain weight and difficult to lose it.

"This effort is not going to be without sacrifice, my family and I know and accept that. I will probably see my wife and kids only once or twice during this time. I am not in the best condition financially to go six months without income and have resigned myself to the fact that I will lose my car and property. Those things however, pale in significance when reckoned with the consequences of doing nothing."

Go here for Steve's website.

Go here for the first month's journal.

Go here for the last month of his journey.

On the first anniversary of his Long Walk beginning, and with some three hundred miles to go to reach New York City, Steve wrote this excellent entry :

"Finally I find myself at peace with the world instead of trying to force it to be something other than what it really is, the sum total of all human experience to date and perfectly balanced because of it. I have learned that accepting things for what they are is the only true way to inner peace. Fighting to change things or fighting to be something that you are not is the worst battle that you will ever experience because as long as you struggle, you lose. Balance with all things and live the experience of life, this is my outlook now."

If you want to kill a few hours and read something damn inspirational, you could do worse than go and scan through the year and a bit worth of journal entries. It's an interesting take on America, Americans, weight loss, food obsession and the growth of an insatiable wanderlust.

What is uniquely strange, and fascinating, about Steve's Long Walk is that after a year and thousands of ks clocked up on his feet, he wants to keep on walking. He's thinking about doing Europe next.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006



The UK Independent reports : A devout Christian has died during a fast after telling her family she wanted to emulate Christ's 40 days and nights in the wilderness.

Just over 10 years ago, Rosaline Gilbert became a devout Christian and adopted regular fasting as a statement of her strong beliefs.

But finally, with her body probably weakened by years of intermittent starvation sustained only by water and her Bible, Miss Gilbert, 34, died at her home in Hackney, east London, after going without food for 23 days.

She began her final fast on March 10, her sister said, reading her Bible and taking in only water. Her family believes she didn't even drink enough of that.

Rosaline Gilbert used to call herself "a child of God", and her sister, at least, believes "she would have found some peace devoting herself to God."

Her mother explained that the fasting marathons would begin when "the Lord told her to".

Her family chose a coffin which had images of the DaVinci's 'The Last Supper' around the outside.

From the Independent : Dr Asker Jeukendrup, a nutritionist at the University of Birmingham, said it was unlikely that 23 days of starvation would kill a normally healthy and average weight person, who would be able to stand 40 days of total fasting without serious ill-effects. But he pointed out that the longer someone goes without food the more the body becomes vulnerable to illness and infection.



Philip K Dick, the author of the stories that became the movies 'BladeRunner', 'Minority Report', 'Total Recall' and 'A Scanner Darkly', often wrote back in the 1950s about an advanced age where robots would be able to "self-replicate", or build new versions of themselves.

Along with the surveillance society, the police state ethos of 'The Patriot Act' and NSA spying scandal, and the widespread use of designer drugs, PKD would be astounded today to learn that scientists are now steaming towards the creation of numerous robots that can not only repair themselves, but will eventually be able to build new, and better, versions of themselves, all without the aid or input of the original human designers.

From the Cornell University News Service
: One of the dreams of both science fiction writers and practical robot builders has been realized, at least on a simple level: Cornell University researchers have created a machine that can build copies of itself....

....the idea of making self-replicating robots out of self-contained modules could be used to build working robots that could self-repair by replacing defective modules....robots sent to explore Mars could carry a supply of spare modules to use for repairing or rebuilding as needed, allowing for more flexible, versatile and robust missions. Self-replication and repair also could be crucial for robots working in environments where a human with a screwdriver couldn't survive.

"Although the machines we have created are still simple compared with biological self-reproduction, they demonstrate that mechanical self-reproduction is possible and not unique to biology," the researchers say.

Residents of China's Penglai City, along with thousands of tourists, are said to have witnessed a four hour long mirage off shore, last Sunday.

What is genuinely weird about this mirage is what some of them claim to have seen :
"....a city, with modern high-rise buildings, broad city streets....bustling cars....crowds of people all clearly visible."
Two days of rain had fallen on the city before the mirage appeared. Penglai is said to have been witness to many mirages during the centuries, giving it its nickname as a "dwelling place of the gods".

As strange as the mirage may have been, the truth may be found in the explanation of how mirages occur, according to the China Daily, which reported this story : "...a mirage is formed when moisture in the air becomes warmer than the temperature of sea water, which refracts rays of sunlight to create reflections of the landscape in the sky."

You can, sort of, see some of described details in the photo above, from China Daily. But maybe you just had to be there.

Monday, May 08, 2006




The New York Times reports : The Bush administration is seeking to develop a powerful ground-based laser weapon that would use beams of concentrated light to destroy enemy satellites in orbit.

The largely secret part of a wide-ranging effort to develop space weapons, both defensive and offensive. No treaty or law forbids such work.

The overall goal of the to assess unique technologies for "high-energy laser weapons," in what engineers call a proof of concept. Previously, the laser work resided in a budget category that paid for a wide variety of space has moved under the heading "Advanced Weapons Technology."

...the policy rationale for the arms research dated from a 1996 presidential directive in the Clinton administration that allows "countering, if necessary, space systems and services used for hostile purposes."

In 1997, the American military fired a ground-based laser in New Mexico at an American spacecraft, calling it a test of satellite vulnerability.

Little else happened until January 2001, when a commission led by Donald H. Rumsfeld, then the newly nominated defense secretary, warned that the American military faced a potential "Pearl Harbor" in space and called for a defensive arsenal of space weapons.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports : The US Military is experimenting with an electronic shield defence system o neutralise rocket-propelled grenades.

The system creates a "force shield" aimed at protecting soldiers and military vehicles.

Military scientists described it as similar to the defensive shield seen in the Star Trek TV series and sci-fi movies.

The US Naval Surface Warfare Centre completed the first tests on the Trophy Active Protection System last month.

A Stryker combat vehicle equipped with the system underwent testing as part of a US program for developing force fields.

The scientists said Trophy detected, tracked and defeated an inert incoming grenade while the Stryker combat vehicle was on the move.

In less time than the blink of an eye, the system read and reacted to the threat, using an interceptor rocket to shoot the grenade down about 9.1 metres away.

Sunday, May 07, 2006


The Chinese 'Wizards of Weather' have fired more than a hundred rockets into clouds on the outskirts of Beijing, releasing particles of silver iodide, and suceeded in creating the biggest rainfall of the year over the dusty, dry city.

From the Associated Press : "Although unusual in many parts of the world, China has been tinkering with artificial rainmaking for decades, using it frequently in the drought-plagued north. Last month, another artificial rainfall was generated to clear Beijing after the city suffered some of the fiercest dust storms this decade.

"Whether cloud-seeing actually works has been the subject of debate in the scientific community. In 2003, the U.S. National Academy of Sciences questioned the science behind it as 'too weak.'"

US scientists may regard the evidence as 'too weak', but this hasn't stopped China and Russia altering the weather over a number of their cities, either to draw in rain where it is needed most, or in at least once case in Russia, forcing rain clouds to empty on the outskirts of a city where President Vladimir Putin was giving a speech and wanted the weather to stay dry.

Cloud seeding has also been used in rural Australia, with mixed results, to break droughts.

Friday, May 05, 2006




The Australian National Council on Drugs (NACD) has published a booklet designed to educate the almost two million people who have consumed cannabis in the past year.

The NACD claims some 300,000 Australians use cannabis each day, with the majority of users aimed between 20 and 29 years old.

In total, more than 1 in 4 Australians have used cannabis at some point in their life. Regardless of the extraordinary consumption, and widespread general use, the Australian government still insists on maintaining a Zero Tolerance approach, preferring criminalisation instead of education aimed at lowering usage.

"It's quite clear from studies that you can become dependent on cannabis and that it can lead to mental health issues as well," said NACD executive director, Gino Vumbaca.

"A lot of people have grown up with the idea that cannabis is a soft drug, but long term studies show that those who use it long term seem more likely to suffer high anxiety and mental illness like depression."

The booklet published by the NACD aims to provide just the facts to users and the families of users, instead of taking a moral stance, as so much of the Federal Health Department's usual propaganda on the issue tends to do.

The NACD is pushing for federal and state governments to do more to widen the availability of treatment for cannabis addiction, and make it more affordable.

Gino Vumbaca said one in 10 people who seek help for drug problems cite cannabis as their main drug problem.

"Rather than criminalise people - and occasionally you hear calls [that] people be locked for cannabis use - send a tough message," he said.

"What we're saying is what we should be doing for people is actually providing them with accessible and affordable and available treatment for cannabis use."

(Source : The Melbourne Age and ABC News)

You can download a PDF of the NACD booklet by clicking here.


The annual Mardi Grass Festival kicks off in Nimbin, in Northern New South Wales, this weekend, and festival organisers are concerned about just how hard police are going to crack down on dope 'appreciators', who are usually allowed to smoke dope in public and roll joints for competitive reasons during the festival.

The festival began as a rally to push cannabis law reform in 1993, but has quickly grown to become one of the key cultural festivals in New South Wales, even if some of the elderly hippy particpants are embarrassing to high flying baby boomers back in Sydney.

The organisers told ABC Radio they are "paranoid" about how police will respond to dope-related celebrations and activity over the next three days.

"You know, we've always lived under this shadow of being criminals, there's plenty of paranoia and talk, you know, 'we're being set up, they're going to give us a hard time'," said one of the organisers.

How easy would it be to make people attending a cannabis festival paranoid?

Another organisers told the Northern Rivers Echo, “We ask all protesters to show their usual good natured tolerance of police and anyone blowing smoke in their face or not respecting the law in their presence will obviously get into trouble.”


“(Nimbin) is a peaceful and magical little corner of the world – we will make our message about the ridiculous cannabis laws, and the damage they are doing to our community, heard through laughter and song.”

This is the 14th annual MardiGrass Festival and will run through to Sunday night. There will be an official opening ceremony, a Harvest Ball, live music and the usually confused, but entertaining, Hemp Olympix (including the joint rolling comp), along with cannabis issue forums. The closer comes on Sunday afternoon with the Rally for Cannabis Law Reform.

Apparently the organisers are aiming to set a world record for the most joints lit in one location....obviously memory loss problems have removed the visage of hundreds of thousands of dope smokers at the Woodstock Festival setting a record unlikely to be ever beaten.

Some people just need a good reason to flare up, you know, like they're achieving something.

Find out more about the events of the Nimbin MardiGrass festival at the official site.

Note : The headline figure of "thousands of kilos of cannabis" consumed each week in Australia was reached by guess-timating that each of the 300,000 daily users of cannabis would consume half to one gram of cannabis in a 24 hour period, adding the casual users consumption of a few grams worth a month. 300,000 users, and hundreds of thousands more casual users could easily consume thousands of kilos worth of cannabis per week. Which puts into perspective the police busts of ten kilos here, a hundred kilos there.

Thursday, May 04, 2006


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Apparently it's become a bit of a tradition now in Japan to throw small teddy bears at weddings instead of a bouqet.

This is why a Japanese company has come up with a 'gun' designed to shoot small teddy bears into the air, or directly at the bride and groom if you're a bit of a bastard.

Just to amp up the cute factor. The little bears come complete with a mini-parachute. That's so freaking cute I want to puke.

Go here for more on why this is important.

How long will it be before a new fad breaks out in Japan where teenagers are busted using these 'guns' to launch small animals like, say, kittens, puppies, frogs?

My guess, two weeks after they hit the stores.

And just in case you've completely lost your mind, but managed to hold onto your wealth, here's the world's most expensive (new) teddy bear :

A German firm has created the world's most expensive teddy bear.

The £43,000 bear has fur made of real gold, and eyes made with sapphires and diamonds.

Steiff, which claims to have made the world's first ever teddy bear, made the golden bear to celebrate its 125th anniversary.

The new bear has a mouth made of solid gold, fur made from gold thread and eyes with pupils of sapphire and irises made from 20 tiny diamonds. Only 125 editions of the collectable Jubilee Bear have been produced.

This teddy bear also lays claims to 'World's Most Uncomfortable To Cuddle On A Cold Winter's Night'.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006



Does the way you've decorated your home help determine whether or not you gain weight?

New research suggest that the colours of your walls, particularly in the kitchen, the strength of lighting and even the scented candles you burn at home can have a big impact on what you eat, how often you chow down and just how much food you pack away.

Apparently blues and greens are "cooling colours" and can lower your appetite.

Low lighting in your kitchen and dining room can encourage you to eat more, and the smell of vanilla and mint "may actually reduce or calm your appetite".

Not if it's vanilla ice-cream your smelling, though.

Even music affects how fast you eat. The slower the beat, the less you eat.

Go here for a bit more about this.

And here's some interesting message board discussions
on how colour affects appetite, mental states and whether or not you might buy something.

This is a link to a Wikipedia entry on Colour Psychology

Tuesday, May 02, 2006




According to The Times of London, at least one group of expectant mothers in the UK are making plans to avoid the chance of giving birth to their babies on June 6, 2006.

Something about giving birth to the AntiChrist....

"(the) due date holds an extra dimension of dread. The prospect of giving birth...on 6/6/06, has prompted talk of spawning devil children on Armageddon day.

"A British self-help group that usually exchanges routine tips on parenting has turned its attention to the dangers of a date marked by the satanic symbol....


he approach of the sixth day of the sixth month of a new century’s sixth year has prompted animated discussion among women participating in the website of Mother & Baby, a British parenting magazine.

"One pregnant woman, Francesca Renouf, said she had been so worried that she had booked a doctor’s appointment to ensure that she would avoid giving birth on the sixth."

Two mothers, at least, aren't fazed a bit. One has announced if her baby is born on this special date, she will name him Damien, in honour of the devil's child that spawned such violence and death in the 1970s horror classic 'The Omen'.

A remake of 'The Omen' is also due to be released in the US on June 6.

Thrash-death metal masters Slayer begins their Unholy Alliance : Preaching To The Perverted tour on that same date.

Whacked out, extreme right, fact-challenged, conservative-goon-squad writer Anne Coulter, who just may be the very devil herself, will release a new book called Godless to mark the unique date. She says it's about all those dangerous lefties in the US, and how they're dooming the country to...hold on, aren't the conservatives in charge of the US right now?

Perhaps the true reason Anne Coulter chose Godless is so she can have posters of herself up in bookstores across the US with the word 'Godless' emblazoned across her visage.

Truth in advertising.

Curiously, people in the US are taking the arrival of 6/6/6 a lot more seriously than people in other parts of the world. Don't know why that might be....

There are fears that June 6 will be "a day of satanic power", which could be punctuated, brutally, by a comet of other interstellar object slamming into the planet. Our planet.

And some of those ultra-optimistic evangelicals are pushing June 6 as the date that 'The Rapture' will begin. That's when the Christian Lord says to his devoted, "Come on home, guys" and they magically rise up into the sky, leaving the rest of us to enjoy 1000 years of debauchery and sin.

Curiously, one evangelical website is said to have a Rapture Index, which declares it's time and to "faster your seatbelts"....but wouldn't that make it harder for the Chosen to rise up into the sky?

There's new talk President Bush actually being the AntiChrist, but that is old news. You didn't think all this world mega-mayhem and Apocalyptic weather and all that violent bloodshed in the birthplace of civilisation was happening by accident, did you?

According to The Times, "The 666 phenomenon is based on a disputed passage from the Book of Revelation, which in several popular versions declares the 'number of the beast' to be 666 — although some biblical scholars claim there was a mistranslation and the number should really be 616."



Anyone got a kid born on January 6, this year? Have you checked its scalp yet for the tell-tale signs of Satanic demon spawnage?

Better to know for sure now, rather than later.

Monday, May 01, 2006



From the Your New Reality blog :

"Each year in Washington, the White House Correspondents Dinner is held and it is a tradition, dating back decades, that there will be jokes from the speakers about the President, who is usually in attendance. President Bush was there in the audience on Saturday, with his wife, surrounded by some of the key players in the White House today, hundreds of journalists and more than 2000 other invited guests.

"This year's dinner, held last Saturday, saw one comedian going further than any other has in the past, slaying the crowd and causing Pesident Bush's smile to fade fast, once he realised he was not only being mocked by a genuine comedic genius, but that the audience was roaring with laughter, all at his expense. It must have been one of the most humiliating experiences of his presidency."

Here's some of the best (edited) lines of the night from Stephen Colbert's speech to President Bush and the White House correspondents :

Introduction : "To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

"Every night on my show, the Colbert report...I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term."

"I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific...I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit."

"(Although) I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior."

"Most of all I believe in this president. Now, I know there's some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

"So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say...the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."

"I don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I havent."

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

To the journalists present : "....what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're superdepressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished."

(The original link I used to access the full transcript of Colbert's speech is now down. When I find a clear link, I will add it here)

Space exploration, space tourism and off-world mining experiments are all now realities.

Within a decade : tourists are expected to be holidaying in space hotels, zipping around the moon for a closer look; both the Moon and Mars will be valuable sources of rare minerals and the raw materials needed to build vehicles and space stations in orbit, and robot explorers will have extensively mapped thousands of comets, larger meteors, planets and moons of the Solar System.

But with all this activity up there, will there ever be a need for an outer space police force?

The Cosmic Cops?

The likelihood of Earth nations getting in each other's way on the Moon or Mars or the deep void in between seems unlikely.

As Douglas Adams wrote : "Space is big. Really big."

There's enough Moon and Mars and space for every country to get its share.

But one US ethicist, at least, thinks : There will need an intergalactic police force to keep order in space and protect the interests of the vulnerable.

Dr Patrick Lin, of The Nanoethics Group....says we should be thinking about the ethical implications of future space exploration. And some kind of government or police force should be considered.

Lin doesn't believe that an earth-based government, ruling through the local space communities, will be the most effective way to run things, up there.

"Space has been long called 'the final frontier', but have we taken the time to consider what our responsibilities are as 'frontiersmen'?" says Lin.

Commercial space travel is becoming a reality, he says, and the public needs confidence that governments, scientists and astronauts are considering the consequences of exploring space.

For instance, Lin says we need a fair process for commercialising or claiming property in space to avoid what he calls the kind of 'chaotic land-grab' that occurred with internet domain names.

"We would not rush to develop the south pole without a well-thought plan, so the same reasonable precaution would seem to apply to colonising space," he says.

He says we should question the idea that space may provide an escape for us if our world becomes overpopulated and uninhabitable.