THE FAST, WEIRD NEWS BULLETIN

Two Australian women were hit by trains, on the same day, and both have their feet cut off. One of the women fell out of a wheelchair and onto the train tracks.


Was Victorian London's notorious Jack The Ripper a woman? Maybe. An old theory given a new, and very interesting twist, by the advancement of DNA testing.


Charity shop staff was going through some old clothes in a Sydney store when the workers came across more than $11,000 hidden away in the donated shirts and pants and jackets.

Being good people of St Vincents De Paul, they handed the cash into the police, but now, months later, the owner has not been found and the $11,000 has been handed back to the charity. They will now use it to help the homeless, the hungry and the needy. Beautiful.


Three strippers forced to strip by police after a traffic stop. "I'm not gay," cop told stripper before he told him to get all his gear off. The three strippers are furious and now they plan to sue the cops.


A 14 year old girl, in Akron, Ohio, has been jailed, without access to her attorney, for more than a week because she refused to testify against the man who stands accussed of molesting her. Land of the free, home of the....rapidly growing police state.

You can jail a 14 year old girl, and deny her access to the law, in Ohio? Sounds more President Bush's version of Iran or North Korea.


John Cleese now says his most famous creation, Basily Fawlty, is "pathetic".

Cleese was referring to the episode of Fawlty Towers where the character goose-steps around the hotel in mockery of German guests. It plays differently for many people from what Cleese originally intended, he now claims.

"I'm delighted to help with trying to break down the ridiculous anti-German prejudices of the tabloids and clowns like Basil Fawlty, who are pathetically stuck in a world view that's more than half a century out of date."


In China, an 80 year old woman has worn down three sets of dentures by eating small stones for more than seven decades. She started out eating dirt as a child. She doesn't like 'soft' stones. The harder the stones the tastier they are, apparently.


A researcher in London says that the next time humans go back to the moon, in about two or three decades (or sooner, if the Chinese carry through with their plans) they should spend some time looking around for rubbish left behind by alien visitors.

Why not? Just because they can travel interstellar distances doesn't necessarily mean they aren't litter bugs.

That is all for today from The Fast, Weird News Bulletin


FREE NATURAL CANNABIS DOESN'T WORK, SAYS FDA, BUT EXPENSIVE PHARMACEUTICAL VERSION WORKS VERY WELL

First the American Food And Drug Administration denies there is any medicinal benefit to be gained from allowing sick people to use small amounts of cannabis to inspire their hunger, to calm their nerves, to bring on sleep and to fight nausea.

Now, the FDA has approved the sale of a synthetic version of the active ingredient in cannabis which is alleged to improve appetite, fight nausea in chemotherapy patients, act as a sleep agent and reduce anxiety, all with little to no side effects.

So the sick and the arthritic can now have their miracle relief, but they will have to pay for it, and it will be illegal for them to cultivate small amounts of the non-synthetic version of the drug in their own gardens.

Well, that makes sense.

It's really quite simple.

Free = bad. Expensive = Very, very good.