Monday, May 01, 2006



From the Your New Reality blog :

"Each year in Washington, the White House Correspondents Dinner is held and it is a tradition, dating back decades, that there will be jokes from the speakers about the President, who is usually in attendance. President Bush was there in the audience on Saturday, with his wife, surrounded by some of the key players in the White House today, hundreds of journalists and more than 2000 other invited guests.

"This year's dinner, held last Saturday, saw one comedian going further than any other has in the past, slaying the crowd and causing Pesident Bush's smile to fade fast, once he realised he was not only being mocked by a genuine comedic genius, but that the audience was roaring with laughter, all at his expense. It must have been one of the most humiliating experiences of his presidency."

Here's some of the best (edited) lines of the night from Stephen Colbert's speech to President Bush and the White House correspondents :

Introduction : "To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

"Every night on my show, the Colbert report...I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term."

"I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific...I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit."

"(Although) I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior."

"Most of all I believe in this president. Now, I know there's some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

"So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say...the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."

"I don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I havent."

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

To the journalists present : "....what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're superdepressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished."

(The original link I used to access the full transcript of Colbert's speech is now down. When I find a clear link, I will add it here)

1 comment:

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