Friday, May 19, 2006




Just kidding with the first translated monkey sentence there.

The sentences spoken are actually from one monkey to another, the 'putty-nosed' monkey to be exact. If they could talk to us the first issue to be dealt with would probably have to be that horrible name some braniac has bestowed upon them.

Why not the 'Angel Magic Love' monkey or something like that? How we would feel if we kept translating monkey-speak and found out they called us names like the 'BoxHead' human? Or 'Super MonoBrow' Man? Or 'Muffin Top Mama'? That's right, we wouldn't like it one little bit.

They do seem to be laughing at us sometimes, however....

According to the UK Independent, Making different sentences out of the same words was thought to be a unique feature of human language but scientists have now discovered syntax in monkeys.

A study of wild putty-nosed monkeys in Africa has found that they can mix different alarm calls to communicate new meanings to fellow members of a troop.

The revelation came to light via one researcher who had spent way too long hanging out with the monkeys in the Gashaka Gumti National Park in Nigeria.

She noticed they would often make noticeably different sounds depending on what the threat was.

The researcher didn't notice any words for, "That hairless monkey is watching us again."

The scientists demonstrated in a study published in Nature that they would imitate the communication syntax of the monkeys by playing recorded calls to the wild troop living in the forest.

The two key monkey sounds were "pyow" and "back" and used together loosely translates to "Let's Go!"

Using word-sounds in different combinations to communicate different meanings was not thought to exist outside of the human species.

But other animals can communicate and identify each other with the sounds they produce :

Dolphins have signature whistles they use when they meet up with old dolphin friends, and are also thought to sound their signature whistle when they meet a new pod of dolphins. They can also produce a clicking sound that acts like a sonar to identify the size of objects underwater.

Research into 'whale songs' has revealed they can 'sing' complex tunes of some thirty minutes in duration, and teach them to other whales.

Birds are probably the most famous non-human communicators, using calls to warn other birds, to let other birds know they have claimed a territory and to point out to each other which car is best for poo-targeting (that's my theory anyway).

Interestingly, birds are now believed to be able to warn each other of danger, but to actually express just how big, or how impending, the danger is. Sort of like the bird-song equivalent of the Terror Alert chart.

And frogs will make 'briddip' sounds to claim territory, to call for new mates, to announce they are in the middle of being mated and to welcome the start of rain...or something.


From The Australian :
Before they went their separate evolutionary ways, the ancestors of chimpanzees and people got up to plenty of, well, monkey business.

Moreover, this went on for about four million years.

The most detailed analysis conducted of human and chimpanzee DNA reveals that after an initial separation from a common ancestor, between five and six million years ago, the species continued interbreeding.

The implication is that speciation - the separation from a common ancestor - wasn't the simple process scientists previously believed.

Instead, it happened over millions of years during which "episodes" of hybridisation took place before the final separation into two distinct species, US researchers claim in a paper published online by Nature.

"For the first time, we're able to see the details written out in the DNA," said biologist Eric Lander, director of the Broad Institute at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge. "What they tell us at the least is that the human-chimp speciation was very unusual."

Yeah, great research there Einstein,

"Human-chimp speciation was very unusual".

A human mounts a monkey and a scientist calls this behaviour unusual? Exactly what kind of porn have these guys been watching in the lab during their lunch breaks?

All the above new info on 'speciation' is all well and good, but what I want to know is this :

Since when has it been common knowledge that the human species has been kicking around this planet for getting onto 7 million years? Last time I heard, we'd barely cracked a few hundred thousand years of existence.

So, all the way back then, humans and monkeys were....close, and new species were created, we evolved, our brains got bigger, we worked out we could cover ourselves in the fur of other animals, and each other, and we started to loose a lot of body hair. Well, some of us did.

But humans kept evolving, changing, some generations grew tall, others grew smaller, some offsprings had darker skin, some lighter, presumably depending on where on the planet these humans were hanging out.

But the wide variety of ape and monkey species haven't changed all that much in millions of years. They still get around naked, they play in the trees, they eat for free, have plenty of casual sex, they don't need to go to work....And we're supposed to be the highly evolved ones?

Scientists have identified a bizarre new human species as well.


The offspring of mega-botoxed, peniley-implanted, silicone-breasted, collagen-injected Hollywood stars.

Actually, I don't know if that's true, but it should be worth a research grant or three.

Or not.

So how do these new discoveries affect the whole 'Creationism' and 'Intelligent Design' craze?

And will curators have to change all those Ape-Evolves-Into-Man museum exhibits yet again?

This is actually good news. It explains a lot about human behaviour.

Especially the whole poo-throwing thing.

I have no idea what that is supposed to mean either.

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